I have not been compelled enough to write anything down in long time. Don’t get me wrong, if you’d like to hear me wax poetic on any number of grievances I have against the current state of the world, I’m available for hire. My appearance fee is exceedingly high (or ice cream), as it should be.
The reason I do want to write is, what goes around comes around: eating disorders are chic again. Thin is in! For men and women! Progressive!
I’m an 80s kid – a neon, teased hair decade of Madonna and Christy Turlington and Flashdance. A cacophony of Reagan and Thatcher and Trudeau. A time of great social change that included Mums who drank slim fast and did jazzercise but still smoked and drank and didn’t think twice about serving bacon twice in a day.
Shockingly, this decade made me what we now call body neutral. My body helped me ride my bike and learn to love to swim and play tennis. I dressed in mesh tops and had jelly bracelets. I loved ice cream. My body just was. Even during puberty, I didn’t think too much about anything. No one talked about size when we were 9. Not in circles I played in. We experimented with makeup and teased our hair. We were so innocent. A protected conclave.
By the time the 1990s arrived and Friends and Lilith Fair and heroin chic permeated the zeitgeist we were all hooked on some form of thinness. Not for “health” but to get boys or husbands or to be more popular with other women or at work or just to be thin enough to attract no attention. Weird, huh? There was a weird space of thinness that allowed anonymity. Too thin and it would be commented on. You should eat a burger. Too fat and foisted upon you was an entire personality, gluttonous and gross. But there was a sweet spot you strived for, just enough to be ignored. Pretty or not, extroverted or introverted. An imaginary middle of acceptability that was compliant in advance. You’d be home free if you could get into that thin space. So you probably denied yourself something. You didn’t eat too much on dates. You certainly did not talk about enjoying food. Rachel on Friends is the manifestation of this. She vocalized few opinions about her body and she didn’t work out, seemingly. She just was magically thin. Like a stir stick.
When we hit the 2000s things moved fast. Gwyneth laboured Goop, Oprah dieted and dieted again, then owned Weight Watchers. Over a single digit in clothing, no problem, you have “your own stores” for that now with cold shoulders and inclusivity. Secretly and not so secretly the messaging launched at pillowy breasts above a D was, we love you no matter your size – but really, don’t be “that” size unless we can see you eat right, exercise, do all the normie things we expect of our thinnest soldiers. But, you’re beautiful just not beautiful. The thinness is preferred, but you do you. Would you look at her fat rolls? Is she wearing a mini skirt? So brave.
In there I had a baby and boy oh boy, I didn’t even know I was a truly in unacceptable body until I had a baby. It was suggested I plan for that new body breast feeding would give me (the pounds just drop off!), work out when the baby sleeps, don’t sleep, you won’t need it, you shouldn’t eat rice or sweets. Start bottle feeding because then you can drink wine and lots of coffee. Your new post baby body should get back into those old clothes as soon as possible. If you can’t lose the baby weight you’re not trying hard enough. How hard can it be! It was once strongly suggested to me postpartum I not buy a blouse to attend a friends birthday party, from Old Navy of all places, because it quote, “looked bigger and you’ll have a new body soon anyway, so why waste the money.” I wore a tshirt to the party I hated instead where everyone felt it was ok to remark on my breasts.
Look. My body is not your body and we only get this one body. This is it. But this new wave of weight loss drugs is not selling health as much as it’s selling the idea of health. Let’s not pretend these drugs are not cost prohibitive to a vast majority of people, worldwide, who would health wise benefit from them. Let’s not act like the rise of and release of these drugs isn’t as designed as that of the next it bag or Oreo cookie. The web of corporate capitalistic culpability is a real thing. Ozempic trials began in the late 2000 pre 2010! The off license use for weight loss was noticed in and around 2012 and approval for weight loss in 2015. Wow. I wonder what happened in 2016 that could have ushered in the unfettered bombardment of conservative physical norms that made the climate perfect for the release of these drugs. I am at a loss.
The weight loss drugs on the market are helping a lot of people with underlying health issues. People who need them, who already take life saving drugs. But the drugs on the market do not make anyone healthiER. Thin is not health. It just is. Like fat. It just is. It is not a moral this or that – though treated as such. All of it remains intrinsically tied to diet culture. Not to mention the more sinister connotations of eugenics and ableism.
Sure, there are enough who will embark on a new regiment or take up old sport because they now feel they exist in a body that can do those things. That’s great. There are equally just as many who won’t do anything different because the goal is thinness, not physical strength or a shift of mind. And when the physical transformation is prioritized over the internal one we’re still setting up people for failure. To feel shame and alone. That isn’t a cultural progression. It’s medical and political malfeasance. The cost of groceries continues to rise, third spaces for young and old are non existent, people work longer hours than ever and are out of touch with community. If we globally cared about healthy bodies the investment socially would be Norway for all. Therapy and sport would be free. But that isn’t happening. We’re still framing a jab in individualism. As if the sole choice has no consequences or ramifications. I don’t subscribe this to, “my body, my choice” to my son is getting married and I need to lose 5lbs. To me that sounds simply deranged.
But it’s just 5lbs, Kristina! Why are so angry? I’m not angry, I’m trying to recognize the patterns in our society that continues to billboard the quicker fix, while children continue to go unhomed and hungry. That’s the stuff I’m really angry about.
Deep into perimenopause my body has changed a lot. A little while ago I realised I hadn’t gained back as much weight as I thought, I had sort of softened wider. Believe me this is annoying. I’m not inclined to be smoothed out like a glob of paint on a palette but here I am. Sure I could work out more but I also don’t have money for a gym or a trainer. And if I had the money believe I’d never even consider spending it on that. I go for walks and eat pretty good – ice cream and fries are non negotiable – and that’s it. And sure, I could just get the jabs (with that imaginary extra money above). But. What more should be asked of me at this age? What should be asked of us at any age? Why are children asking for jabs? Why are the elderly entering hospice with anorexia? Why are we messing our brains and others brains on physical bodies that run counter to its resting rate? For who? And for who’s profit?
Many of our trends and cultural norms are cyclical. They fade in and out of fashion. They create tension and reset. A host of them that keep coming back need to die. Violently.
The idea that thin is “in” but now permanent, and “why wouldn’t you take this,” is considered polite conversation is deeply concerning. How dare anyone just exist and be healthy and happy and have some inches to pinch. Blasphemy!
This is an inelegant reaction to the rise of thinness – again – at the same time as fascism and regression of gender roles and the rolling back of women’s rights around the world. Deep plane facelifts and obsession with tweakments, the proliferation of online betting and fintech with young men, tradwife content, Ai, and protein in goddamn everything. We are priced out of living but we’ll be thin and smooth brained!
Weight loss drugs are helping people who have health issues. There’s no denying that. That diet culture can co-opt that to make more money and fuel more physical dysmorphia whilst never doing anything to advocate for free healthy school meals or build skate parks or dance studios, it’s bullshit. They do the least on the backs of Lululemon workout bras.
I’ve written before about the letting go of old mindsets tied to the pressure to bodily conform. It’s hard when society deigned you aren’t a perfect size, people can make up things about how you live in said body. It’s harder to shop, and is getting harder to shop, especially if you happen to need an XL or more in something. Many of us have again been relegated to the section next to the sundries at the department store.
Our bodies are so beautiful. They aren’t meant to be a manufactured ideal of perfect. They simply host the by chance consciousness of our souls. They wake us up to see the sun, they hunger to taste ripe tomatoes, they laugh to sing songs, they outstretch to hold and hug. What blissful marvels. They can disappoint us and work against us. They can break and ache and remind us constantly we are not permanent to this world. What a privilege. One day I hope to be a flower in a garden.
We mutilate our exteriors so someone might notice the interior. We are cajoled and conditioned to perfect an already perfect specimen. We are shamed and ridiculed if we aren’t a magazine version of ourselves having never actually appeared on a magazine. We shouldn’t put up with any of this.
I can honestly say I’ve never noticed the size of anyone who laughs with gusto. Who smiles when they see me. Who dances with sensuality. Who tells a story with their hands. I want us all to be happy. If a jab can deliver that to someone, and that makes them happy, that’s a win for them. If a jab isn’t my path to happiness, I am no less winning.
I don’t know how to cap this stream of consciousness – I have written this whilst watching Wrexham v Chelsea. So what I will say is there’s always more to say and better ways of saying it, and we are in the infancy of this current weight loss metamorphosis v late stage capitalism.
But. I will include what I wrote in On Bodies:
My body is a vessel to give love away, to myself and to all the other bodies that house the once in a universe soul. So be your body and know your body and my body is not what anyone who cares for you or wants to care for you will ever really see. Your body is merely the lighthouse guiding souls to shore.
Love,
K/
Gingerly 